Individual relationship coaching
podcasts
PODCASTS with the Behaviorist
(ALL EXTERNAL)
From Survivor to Thriver
The Revolutionary Man
The Odyssey Podcast (Ithaka Media)
https://tinyurl.com/2p8caudyLiving' Living with a Narcissist
Living with a narcissist–Inside Relationships – Apple Podcasts
Life's essential ingredients Podcast
Season 3 Episode #5 Strategies for Emotional Evolution with David Szczecinski (buzzsprout.com)
My Steps to Sobriety with Dr Stephan Neff
Break Vape
Boundary setting
Boundary setting; the art and …–Inside Relationships – Apple Podcasts
Disrupting the Everyday
How do I improve my marriage? https://youtu.be/8cr9wjsiWng
THE EMOTIONAL BOTTLE (TM)
We use the Emotional Bottle tool in both corporate training and personal workshops. The 'Emotional Bottle' allows you to create a snapshot of what is going on. The tool has the ability to identify both helpful and unhelpful coping strategies to deal with physical, mental or emotional stressors. Participants also look at what they are doing to deal with their experiences. Participants gain skills to achieve desired changes.
emotional evolution
First things first, this article was written by the Behaviorist and not a robot 😊 Emotional evolution means we become more aware of our human operating system. That is, we develop awareness of:
1: Conscious motivators or the nature and quality of our thoughts
2: Subconscious motivators or the patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour that often occur automatically
3: Unconscious impressions from the past, often our childhood, that can inform our feelings, thoughts and behaviour at a deeper level
What does Emotional evolution look like?
1: Being able to identify feelings and acknowledge their existence as a way in which our nervous system processes information
2: Processing those feelings i.e., feeling it to heal it
3: Verbalising and exploring those feelings to build greater tolerance and emotional regulation when encountering unpleasant or even scary feelings.
4: Continuing to look outside oneself and meeting the needs of others ‘emotionally’ which means acknowledging their unique feeling experience, accepting their emotional status and becoming less reactive to the painful emotional experiences. This leads us to develop empathy and compassion.
Emotional evolution is therefore the ability to fully develop our responses in a way that allows us to have greater emotional regulation, understanding, empathy and compassion so that future generations can benefit from these skills. We can all level-up, refine, become more attuned to a changing world and find greater opportunities for connection.
Nature is constantly evolving. As we cognitively evolve, so too do we grow emotionally.
warning signs of relationship failure and what to do about it
warning signs of relationship failure and what to do about it
Common relationship issues:
1: A lack of communication that leads to fighting, rather than negotiating.
2: Long-term stress which can lead to Mental health issues and changes in Behavior.
3: Consistent worry about your relationship.
4: Thoughts of separation or divorce.
5: Aggression or other outbursts.
6: A feeling that there is an emotional wall between you and your partner
7: A lack of trust in what is said or done by your partner.
8: Starting to look around for better relationship options.
9: Increase in the use of emotional regulators such as alcohol, food etc.
10: A persistent feeling that your partner does not 'get you'.
11: Spending more time apart.
Sometimes relationships start to fall apart when there is change in the relationship like a child being born, financial insecurity, loss of employment, substance dependence or mental health issues. What to do about it: If you are not getting along with people in your life you are more likely to have difficulty coping and this can be a 'slippery slope' if left unattended. The old fashioned way of dealing with issues by forgetting them or 'sweeping them under the rug' is not an approach that leads to good outcomes.
There are some things we often have to do to save a relationship:
1: Recognise that there is a problem.
2: Go to a GP or other professional to begin to address any underlying issues.
3: Learn coping strategies.
4: Use personal skills to begin relationship repair where possible.
5: Remember why.
Conversation, how hard is it?
warning signs of relationship failure and what to do about it
When most of our initial communication is non-verbal, then how important is the talking part? Well, pretty important if you want to progress your connection with someone. Some helpful Behavioral guidelines for when you meet someone new:
1: 80/20 rule: When talking, generally 80% is about them & 20% about you.
2: Try not to talk too deeply at first
3: Try not to talk about any ex-partners
4: If possible, refrain from talking about your mental health issues
6: If you can, talk positively about your job or other activities you are doing
7: Find out about their passions if you feel okay to do so
8: If they have a career, enquire into how they got there and what they enjoy about it
DEALING WITH NEGATIVITY
If someone is negative or unhappy when talking about a topic, just acknowledge their feelings and then slowly move the conversation to something more comfortable.
KEY WORDS
People when talking have certain 'key words' that have 'meaning' in other words they will have feelings attached to them. Notice the key words and ask questions around those words to expand the conversation. Our courses will go through this is much more detail. Good luck and happy connecting.
OVERALL ITS ABOUT THE FEELS
At the end of the day my old adage is, "How you make someone feel is how you feel about them." Relationship building is about building commonality then continuing to get to know each other.
is your partner depressed?
Are you concerned about Depression within yourself or a loved one? Please see a GP, or encourage your friends or loved ones to if depression is suspected. There may be a myriad causes of Depression, but in this blog we will talk about the emotional aspect. We all experience feelings to varying degrees. Some people have a particular habit of bottling-up their emotions and not being aware of their feelings. We have a saying in the mental health sphere that 'depression is suppression'. Some people may want to express how they feel, although some genuinely lack the words to do so. This may be for a variety of reasons such as habit and for some, speaking about feelings was not modelled or acceptable to them as young people. Or, talking about emotions and feelings, might still be thought of as weakness. It is OK to ask how they are feeling. However, be careful to enquire without blame and it's best not to don't 'poke the bear' with criticism or accusatory approaches. You may honestly think you are helping by heaping your disappointments upon them, 'wake them up' so to speak, but this approach can easily makes things worse. Be open and honest about your concern and tell the person you love them and want the best for them. Very few people want to hurt you with their mood and the realisation that they may be unintentionally hurting you can cause further guilt and shame. Dialogue is the best remedy and seek professional advice when needed. "It's always okay to ask, "ARE YOU OKAY?"
How to know you're suffering from narcissic behaviour?
Narcissism is a combined spectrum of Behaviors; Self-enamoured, self-absorbed, controlling, demonstrating low empathy, displaying an attitude of entitlement, chronically mismanaging anger, manipulative or exploitative, feeling superior, living in an ‘alternate reality’. Here are some possible symptoms;
1. An ongoing feeling that YOU are at fault for their behaviour, feelings and thoughts as there is a consistent blame-shift that makes this type of person 'never wrong'.
2. A deep sense of anxiety that can lead to 'people pleasing'.
3. Difficulty sleeping.
4. Changes in appetite; either eating too much or not enough. 5. A decrease in self-care.
6. Increasing isolation from friends and family as the person will continually dislike your friends, family and will attempt to isolate you.
7. Increase in your alcohol or drug consumption to cope.
8. More self-doubt as the person 'gaslights' you and you begin to second-guess yourself.
9. Loss of self-identity as you move into 'survival mode'.
10. Other forms of Domestic violence e.g. coercion.
How to manage the situation:
It is important to seek help.
Going out with that 'same' person over & over!!
I often get asked, "Why do I keep going out with the same person with a different face?" Answer: Because we form important parts of our understanding and patterns early in life and there are other factors that impact on our unconscious decision making.
COMPLEX TRAUMA
Complex trauma can cause our past thoughts and feelings to affect the way we Behave with other people. Sometimes our trauma can affect our mental health status and we may have a high degree of anxiety and depression. Our experience may lead us to attract someone who triggers our trauma.
EMOTIONAL 'DRIVERS'
We have emotional 'impressions' or 'drivers' that are activated when our trauma is triggered, and this can lead to responses that are repeated often automatically and unconsciously.
BREAKING THE CYCLE
To break the cycle we might look at:
1: Naming it to tame it; understanding our experience & how it has affected us.
2: Feel it to reveal it to heal it; managing our emotions by building emotional resilience.
3: Rewire to recover; start developing new patterns of behaviour and practicing them consistently even if we perceive failure. What fires together wires together!
How to be happy?
Happiness is something that most people strive for in life. In this blog, we'll explore some Behavior and ideas for how to be happy.
1. Cultivate Positive Relationships
Having strong, positive relationships with friends and family is another key to happiness. Make time to connect with loved ones regularly, whether it's through phone calls, text messages, or spending time together in person. Research has shown that people with strong social connections are happier and healthier than those who are more isolated.
2. Take Time for Self-Care
Self-care is important for overall happiness and well-being. This means taking time to do things that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's reading a book, taking a bubble bath, or going for a walk in nature. Taking care of yourself can help you feel more balanced and grounded, and better able to handle the challenges of daily life.
3. Pursue Meaningful Goals
Having a sense of purpose and pursuing meaningful goals can also contribute to happiness. This could be anything from pursuing a career that aligns with your values, to volunteering for a cause you believe in, to pursuing a hobby or passion that brings you joy. Having something to work towards can give you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment